Get Over It?

Because my husband rendered the master bathroom indescribably unapproachable, and I’ll have to let you use your imagination with that, I decided to shower in the guest bathroom. That was the bathroom my mother used to use as hers.
I had just returned from the gym having swam for 45 minutes. You see, I’m taking the steps necessary to get myself out of the funk I have been in for the weeks since my mother passed. Since everyone has been telling me I needed to, I have been trying to take better care of myself.
Halfway through my shower I fell apart. I realized that I was using mom’s shampoo and mom’s soap. The whole bathroom, including me, smelled like my mother. It was only three months ago that I used to help her shower using the same cleaners and purifiers. I found myself leaning against the shower wall in tears.
So when does this stop? I know I’ll carry her in my heart forever. I know there will always be reminders. But when does this constant, nagging emptiness go away?
There are some very cold people that say to me, “Get over it, you’re 65. You should be grateful that you had her so long.” I don’t see it that way. In fact, the longer you have someone in your life, the harder it is to say goodbye.
Perhaps the next time I go to the gym, I will take my own shampoo and soap with me and shower there. That way this won’t happen again. Or, I’ll face my demons and enjoy the smell of my mother in her bathroom and it will become, instead of a painful reminder, a sweet memory.

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